Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Letter to Booger, 24th Week

My dear love,

WOW, I haven't actually written you a letter in a long time! I don't know why that is - I guess mostly because this pregnancy with you is going so smoothly right now (and really has been ever since the beginning), and because I am spending all of my days in some kind of content and happy haze that I have never known to such an extent before, that writing about it seems kind of - well, pointless.

You must understand, I am used to blogging as an outlet of bad mood and rants and complaints and displeasure with the world at large, so now that I don't feel any of these things, I kind of "forget" about blogging too, unless something meaningful like a doctor's visit has been happening.

According to common belief, you must be one of the calmest and contentest and happiest babies ever to be born, considering my emotional frameset these days. You know what they say: anxious and nervous mothers supposedly produce hysterical screaming babies, and calm and happy mothers make calm and happy babies.

And really, I marvel at myself, these days. I am usually not too pleasant to be around, my outlook on life is generally pessimistic, and little problems and issues cause major worries and depression-episodes that last for very long times, sometimes. Now I mostly find myself floating around on a pink cloud, nothing phases me, nothing stresses me out, nothing can spoil my day. Annoying people mildly amuse me instead of pissing me off straight-out, there is a smile on my face almost constantly, and I attribute it all to you, my little baby. You are already making me be a better person, and you aren't even born yet.

Your Dad and I are really looking forward to your arrival. Time seems to be passing by so fast, we are already in the sixth month now! But when I think that it'll be another four months before we can finally meet you, I feel like it's another eternity yet ahead of us! But take your time... I want you to be in there for as long as possible, no matter how impatient we are for you. Just do your growing, and do it for another 16 full weeks, ok?

By now your presence is really obvious to people. Somehow, during the last two weeks, you really turned me into a PREGNANT! woman, not a woman who looks like she's packed on a few kilos too many around her waist, and not one who's visually "probably pregnant", either. I feel like I am carrying around a soccer ball inside my tummy, and I guess it was right what my doctor said to me about three weeks ago: in the course of the next month you will pack on weight from about 130 grams to breaching the half-kilo barrier. It shows!

And I can feel it, too. Your kicks and taps are getting stronger and more frequent almost by the day. You've even done me the favor and kicked your Daddy a bit already too. He was so impatient! For a while your little kicks were a secret between you and me, but soon I could feel you from the outside as well, so everytime you would kick I'd call over your Dad, but as soon as he laid a hand onto you, you stopped. I guess he was getting a bit frustrated with your little game, but finally you relented and let him have a kick or two as well. The look on his face was priceless. :)

Even your grandmommy already got to feel your antics! She squealed in delight when one of your body parts punched her hand through my tummy - I am so glad I could show that to her, she's been so excited to feel you already... did you know that the first thing she does now when she sees me is not to greet me, but to greet YOU? She caresses and wiggles you inside my tummy, before I even get a kiss from her. You are a charmer already, aren't you? :)

And what are you doing to my belly button? It's so funny to watch it getting shallower and shallower - can you imagine that before you I was never able to really see the bottom of it? Almost my whole fingertip could fit into my belly button before you started to push it out, and now I am waiting for the morning when I wake up and have an outtie instead of an innie. Just a little more growing on your part, and it'll pop, I am sure. Now I am glad that I lost my belly button piercing along with your sibling - otherwise by now the latest I would have to part with it: the bottom hole is already on the outside, when before it was so deep that I could never wear any jewelry that had some wider ornaments on the bottom ball without getting irritated. And knowing me, I would have tried to retain it for as long as possible, and probably would have gotten hurt by it in the end.

People are also really bugging us about your gender, now that it'd be just a matter of asking a doctor to have a peek. It seems impossible to believe for some that we really don't know it ourselves yet. We are still determined to let you surprise us on your birthday (- well, *I* am, your Daddy really would rather know too, but is too considerate to overrule me in this regard). Lately people have started to ask us "why". Since we have every possibility to know - why don't we take it? But here's the answer within itself already: because we have the possibility NOT to. Look at it this way: pregnant women nowadays have the option to find out EVERYTHING about their unborn baby way before it's born. Prenatal diagnostics have come a long way from since I was born to today: your grandmother still had the doctor listen to my heartbeat inside her tummy with a wooden stethoscope, and ultrasound started to be sporadically used in hospitals for special diagnostics when she was pregnant with your Tia#R. Today we can determine the sex 100% via amniocentesis long before it's even visible to the most sensitive ultrasound devices, and we can have complete genetical analysis done while it's still legal to abort children, just in case there are any health concerns that would make life with the new person uncomfortable to say the least. And I'll go in for a 4D ultrasound with you in a couple of weeks, just because I can! Technical progress has been dizzying, so pregnancy has gained a lot of excitement, but lost a lot of its surprises as well.

Okay, don't get me wrong: I am very glad to have the diagnostic methods available that there are, and I am glad to have taken the standard ones. I am glad to know that you are a perfectly healthy fetus, and seeing you wiggle about on an ultrasound isn't just a kick for your Daddy and me, but a huge relief and mind-easer as well. It'll save me the counting of your fingers and your toes when you are born, because I already had the opportunity to see that you have a perfect little set of 10 each on a monitor. :)

Yet... with all these surprises gone, I want to retain some of the big ones, without having technology spoil them. It's fun to sometimes dream of you with pigtails and a cute pink dress and a doll in your hands, and it's fun to sometimes see you with short spikey hair and dirt-smeared and scraped knees. It's fun to have people do their voodoo on my tummy, trying to foretell your sex by the way I am carrying you, or by the appearance of my skin and hair, or by calculating what month you were conceived in in relation to my age. I have a bet for a bottle of champagne running with my hairdresser, who claims to never have been wrong foretelling a baby's sex. Yeh, it's a 50/50 chance, d'uh. Odds are pretty good to be right all the time, with a bit of luck. But it's fun regardless. Besides, it'll be my extra push when labor gets really tough... it'll be the extra suspense, it'll be my extra motivation: not just to finally get to know YOU, but to see what gender you chose to come into this life cycle with, to see if I'll be a mommy of a little boy or a little girl. Are you my son, or are you my daughter? We'll find out soon enough, and I'll know for the rest of my life - there is no rush, just enjoyment in the process. :)

So keep on kicking and boxing, my little mystery-baby. I am enjoying how you make your presence known to me so much, you cannot imagine. You make everybody around you so happy, and the excitement and love seems to grow the more you do. Oh, and sorry about all my sneezing - I know you don't like it by the way you kick me right after one... I'll try to keep them to a minimum. ;)

I love you so very much,


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