Friday, June 01, 2007

Letter to Booger, 19th Week

My love! It's been a while since my last update... shame on me and my lack of communication, even though something so important and amazing has happened to us this week! You seem to have undergone a real growing spurt, not only are people starting to comment on you expanding my belly - but I have already started to feel your flutters, and this time I am fairly certain that it's you, and not just some erratic gas bubble!

(I am so very sorry for ever having confused you with an inner fart in the first place a few weeks ago, I guess you can blame my over-eagerness and vivid imagination for this.)

It happened on the way from the after-church shindig at the winery to the reception at your Uncle Bern and your new Aunt Bee's wedding last Saturday. Hey, and despite my full intention to drink one glass of red wine, I didn't get around to do it - the anti-alcoholic fresh grape-juice was just too good and refreshing for me to even consider anything else. Besides, at this scorching heat a single glass of wine would have successfully knocked me out for the rest of the day, so it was fine.

Oh, and about church? Baby, I am very sorry to say that, despite all my good intentions, you have been prenatally exposed to one - and not just for architecture-appreciation either. Oh my, it's been years and years since I last attended any kind of church service, and needless to say I felt extremely uncomfortable in there, and not just because of the very pregnancy-unfriendly narrow wooden church bench. Oh, the sacrifices we take for our loved ones. I even had an active part in the service: I performed a reading for the couple in front of the 100 or so church attendees. Into a microphone. You can almost certainly already hear my voice - so I don't have to tell you about how horrible that must have sounded, church echo and all. Good for me, though, I could convince your Auntie Bee that my text needn't be out of the Bibble, so I felt a lot more comfortable with a nice (and quite worldly) text that I was able to pick out for them on my own (and according to my own convictions). I think I did very well in the end - but of course I had to with you right there with me for support. :)

Your Daddy? He was so exhausted from the previous night when I sent him to the pharmacy 3 times after midnight because of my allergy, that he dozed off sitting right next to me, slowly swaying back and forth with his eyes closed and mouth slightly agape, much to your grandfather's amusement, who sat across the aisle and couldn't stop silently cracking up everytime he looked over to us, instead of focusing on the wedding.

Anyway... back to you, my love. It got way too hot, and Bern and Bee have been with their photographer way too long, and since I was hot and crabby and your Dad was hot and sleep-deprived, we decided along with Auntie#R to pack up and go take a little nap in our room until the party would arrive at the reception. This was a great idea, seeing as our room was just above the reception hall, which was very convenient.

On the short drive from the winery to the hotel it happened, right in the middle of your father talking. I felt the tiniest of punches, and this time I was quite certain, because a gas bubble has never sent me jerking upright with surprise, and it never tickled in such a way, either. I squealed in delight, interrupting your father in mid-sentence, which caused several strange glances from both your Dad and your Aunt in my direction.

You haven't made another attempt until the second day after that, but ever since then I am feeling you quite regularly, and around the same times of the day. In the last days you seem to be getting active when I am sitting in the office, particularly around mid-afternoon, and then again later in the early evening. Sometimes you are gently "fluttering" against me, and ever since yesterday it feels like you are sliding something against me - I am guessing your foot, since I always feel this at the same spot, and that spot corresponds with all of the ultrasounds we have seen of you so far, which show your head on my right side, and your feet on my left.

I find all of this quite exciting, it makes you so much more present on a more constant basis, and I hope your Daddy can be a part of this soon as well. I am sure you'll grow big and strong enough soon to kick your Daddy's hand on my tummy - I really encourage you to, you have no idea how impatient he is for this ever since I told you about your first real flutters. He's so excited over you, I really cannot wait to see you in his arms. :)

And soon, too! Well, relatively, that is. Can you believe that a week from tomorrow we're halfway through our time together? Maybe it's a bit too early for this, but I am starting to feel a bit restless, I want to run out and buy everything you will need already, and more, but I am restraining myself, because I am sure we'll get many things from our friends that already have had children. It also bothers me that we still have a few months to wait for our new apartment. I am sitting at home wanting to start sorting through our things already and packing everything neatly into boxes for the move, but that's ridiculous. To at least get a little bit done, I have thrown out old clothes that I don't need anymore, along with about 10 pairs of shoes - and, as you will agree once you really get to know me - that's a very big deal for me. Thing is, I think I am just anxious to get started on your nursery. I have the urge to paint it, to pick out cute wall decorations, to furnish it, buy curtains, decorate the hell out of the room, find my own old childrens books and put them neatly into your shelf so we can read for you out of them later on, pass my favorite stuffed toys on to you, find a nice cover for the changing table and stack all kinds of diapers and diapering accessories on it, buy a baby bouncer for the living room and get the crib from my friend to put into our own bedroom. I already want to have a bottle warmer in the kitchen, and several pacifiers for you in store, and buy a ton of baby wipes and those cute little baby brushes for your silky hair. I want to have the stroller waiting outside our door, I want to go to the Spanish bookstore down the street of the office and see if they have any Spanish toddler books to buy, and if not ask your Mexican grandma to ship us some. And not to forget the rocking chair! I want the rocking chair already with the comfortable leg-rest for your room, on which I plan to breast-feed you just as any Hollywood movie mothering clichée wants me to.

Yet I have no nursery yet to furnish and decorate for you. I have to wait for the new apartment... how long, I have no idea. August? September? They don't seem to know when construction will be finished themselves, and I hate to be in such limbo, unable to make any meaningful plans. And there is so much yet to take care of, before we can really settle in our new family home. Some things of which cause me a really big headache just by thinking about them.

But none of this is of any concern to you... you just take care of your growing and your kicking, and when you are born, you will have a cute and comfortable nursery and everything your little baby-self may ever need ready and waiting for you. And most of all your loving parents.

Loving you very, very much,


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