Thursday, June 07, 2007

The Good, no bad, and the extremely Ugly

The last days haven't exactly been emotionally very pretty for me. Maybe because of the compression-stockings news, but I don't even think so - I've been feeling pretty blue since about last weekend. It may have to do with the fact that I haven't felt my baby in several days, which is very hard to stomach after feeling the first flutters so clearly. I was convinced that something was wrong with my baby - and I cannot pinpoint why I would feel in such a horrible way.

So last Tuesday Auntie#R and I went to a medical supplies store, which brings me to the title of this post: THE UGLY. Replace "ugly" with "compression stockings", and you'll know why I started to feel even worse after I ordered 2 pairs of those. Aside from the looks - they are really not something you'd wanna wear during a hot summer, underneath your pants (and certainly not show them off with skirts or shorts, either!). They are so thick and heavy, they may as well be casts. :(

Well, I have another week to go without them, for I will have to ask my doctor for a prescription, with which I will get them cheaper by far (you don't even wanna know how much one pair of these costs!), and my next appointment is a week from today.

So I went home, feeling quite depressed, and full of (unfounded) worries over my baby. My heart-monitor turned out useless in face of my anterior placenta (all it does is amplify the sounds of the placenta, drowning out everything else), so here I was with no heart beat and no reassuring kicks, either.

I posed in my beloved babyforum about my worries, just wanting to vent a little bit - and here's where THE GOOD comes in. My new online friend (whom I mentioned here before) offered me her doppler, for me to pick up at her family's restaurant yesterday after work, for reassurance. Funny, I still haven't gotten to meet her in real life, but I already met her mom, and I am sitting at home with her doppler pressed against my tummy.

And oh, OH, how beautiful... the device picked up Baby's heartbeat in an instant! Strong and fast and regular... WITHOUT ANY DOUBT the most beautiful sound I have ever heard in all my life. It's one thing seeing the flutter on an ultrasound - but hearing it!!!

Geo came home earlier than expected, when I still stood with my pants down from listening, and before he could even take off his shoes I jumped at him and put the headphones on his ears.

We had a long and beautiful evening... Geo and I, and our little baby. :)

The reassurance and relief were immediate and extreme. I thank my online friend so much for lending me her doppler, for nobody can be quite as irrational and fear-struck as a pregnant woman.


Blogger Dad to Be said...

I am so glad to read that you were able to hear the heartbeat. It is such a wonderful thing to hear! When you are putting on those compression stocking, think about the beautiful baby that is coming. I bet they won't seen so bad when you compare them to the thought of looking into those little eyes for the first time.

Hang in there, you are almost home!

7:42 PM  

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