Monday, July 30, 2007

the last few days of "life as usual(TM)"

So this is it - the beginning of the last week of work for me for the next 2 years. 2 1/2, if you still count my 4 weeks vacation and the 16 weeks of extra time around Baby's birth.

My last Monday, and it feels extremely awkward. Not that my opinion on my job has suddenly changed - I certainly still dislike it with a passion - but the thought of just staying home really is starting to slowly hit me in its full impact.

Yeah, so my last day will be Thursday. I will still get my full pay until the end of December - without doing a minute of work for any of it. It's great - it's crazy - it's Austria. It's what it's intended for: being able to rest and to focus fully on the remainder of this pregnancy and to prepare for the impending birth.

It's funny how my attitude has changed... it went from "I will slam the door behind me and my boss will never see me again!!!" right after I found out that I was pregnant to "what I will I do with myself at home for 2 years, I may just go back to this job afterwards, or even sooner than those 2 years are over".

Also? Starting to stay home instead of going to work makes Baby's arrival much more imminent in my own head. HELLO, THIRD TRIMESTER!!!

I will not miss this job, but I think I will miss my regular routine. I will miss having something to do. On that note, I think I have to diss the thought that staying home = being lazy and not contributing to the family. I need to rethink my approach, and start to see "being home" as a different kind of job I am doing. It's not like I am going out of a job, it's just a different one I am taking on, right? Right.

I need to stop associating "being home" with "sleeping until 11 every day" and "bumming off in front of the computer" and "laying on the couch watching TV", ASAP. I need to start regarding the household as MY job, while my husband has HIS job. Up until now the household was OUR job, while we BOTH brought home money. I need to stop resenting if he doesn't do the dishes from now on, because the dishes are now in MY job description, whether I like it or not. I need to come up with a certain routine that I will follow every day, so I don't fall into bumming-off mode, which is the hardest mode to get out of, once it sets in. Sure, once Baby is here I doubt I will find much time to veg on the couch in the first place, but it's still a good amount of weeks until then, and that's the time I am a bit worried about. Sure, I have a move to organize, and baby stuff to buy, and other things to take care of... but those are so easy to disregard, when there is a couch with a TV in front of it that I could just lay on...

It's just that whenever I have been home a day or two while I was working, my mind was set on RELAX! and CHILL! and GET AS MUCH FREE TIME IN AS POSSIBLE WHILE YOU CAN! Understandably so, it's just that I hope I will catch the drift and change my attitude about being home from now on, and SOON.

I just hope that the third trimester doesn't throw me right back into sleep-mode the way that the first trimester had, otherwise all my good intentions will be even harder to keep. :(

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