Thursday, December 07, 2006


I guess if the mind wants to see signs and symptoms, the body will aim to please and produce them.

A wee few days after ovulation (- if I even did ovulate, which there is no guarantee for after a miscarriage), I woke up this morning feeling highly sick, contemplating hugging my toilet for a bit.

I haven't eaten anything bad, and I am not otherwise sick in any way. Of course my mind goes immediately: "You are pregnant!"
Nevermind the fact that with my last pregnancy I did not feel sick one single time, and I therefore should not attribute a random morning sickness as anything but - hey, morning sickness!

Was it not me who had to call in sick at least once or twice a month a few years ago, for waking up and throwing up all over the place for no apparent reason, for months on end? Was it not me who went from one doc to the next to have this checked out, had cancer ruled out, but otherwise had no conclusive result on anything? Is it not within the realms of normalcy for me to throw up randomly at any given point in time, but mostly mornings, far off all possibilities of growing a baby inside?

Why, yes. I am the Queen of random throw-ups and spells of sickness for no apparent reason.

That's part of my astonishment over my last pregnancy, when I expected projectile vomit every morning that never came. Constant extreme tiredness? Check. Constant blacking out upon rising after sitting or laying for a while? Check. Touch my boobs and I will violently scratch your eyes out in pain? CHECK!

This morning sickness means NOTHING. My current constant extreme tiredness means that I work too much, and need another vacation.

That's all.

That's not to say that I am anxious to see whether or not I'll bleed again sometime in the next days. I'd be disappointed a bit, but not too much. I am resolved to letting nature run its course. And no, I will not use the ol' "knock me up so I can go on maternity leave and don't have to work anymore" tirade, which already tickled Geo the wrong way upon my 17th repetition in about a week. Though - it is a concern. :(


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