Tuesday, March 06, 2007

what it boils down to...

...is, that I think I am simply too impatient to be properly pregnant.

I mean, c'mon, 40 weeks? How does anybody survive 40 weeks waiting and hoping for something so badly, without losing one's mind?

I can barely get by from one doc's appointment to the next, and I only know about my pregnancy for 2 weeks!

And yes, you are reading the blog of a person who's almost too impatient to finish typing one sentence in order to get to the next in order to be done typing this entry already, and who mostly blankly stares at other people's moving mouths without registering a word being said, simply because I can't wait for them to stop talking already. I am the person who will give up on almost everything if it doesn't work on first attempt and within the first 10 minutes of trying. The worst projects that my boss can throw at me at work are the long term ones: 40 page brochures, 400 page catalogs. I get bored after 2 pages, and need to move on to something else. I have no determination to stick anything through, because I lose my nerve and my patience with absolutely everything and everybody.

I am supposed to be carrying a child for 40 weeks?

Gimme a break, people. My booger hasn't even been visible yet on an internal US, and I am already waiting for my tummy to bulge already. That's the kind of person I am, really.

Not to mention that I am a worrier. Probably the biggest one you'll ever meet, mostly thanks to genetics. For that matter, if the worry-gene keeps on multiplying the way it does from generation to generation in my family, I can only hope that Geo's 50% DNA participation has some ace up its sleeve to counteract it, or I already feel sorry for my future grandchildren, who'll have a parent that carries the DNA of 4 extreme worry-warts. And even worse for my great-grandchildren, should I live long enough to see them.

I have read more about "blighted ovums" and other horror-stories of empty sacs, or embryos whose hearts never started to beat until their mothers had D&Cs scheduled in week 8, and non-viable pregnancies than is good for me and my re-appearing brownish discharge and cramps.

3 more days before my next US. Would I be religious, I'd pray for seeing a heartbeat as "scheduled", alas... I'll just believe in justice, and that no woman should experience what I experienced twice.

Wish me luck.


Anonymous girl said...

I feel your pain sista- giggle.

5:03 PM  

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