Saturday, December 09, 2006


I am not feeling good at all. Not so much physically, but in my own head. I promised myself not to stress over the results once we start trying again, but I find that this was much easier said than done. There is nothing else in my head, and I find that the harder I try to ban these thoughts of being pregnant again, the more I am obsessing over it.

Every teeny weeny thing turns into a SIGN OF EARLY PREGNANCY(tm): my skin is breaking out more than usual. I am extremely tired. I am moody beyond all realms of the endurable. I spent the larger part of yesterday in a state of extreme dizzy light-headedness coupled with no desire for any kind of food.

Last time my skin was breaking out more than usual. I was extremely tired. I was light-headed and saw little twinkling stars before my eyes whenever I got up too fast. I didn't want to eat almost anything.

I was NOT moody. I was happy and content even before I knew I was pregnant. May have had to do with the fact that I was on honeymoon? I was horny beyond all belief. I am NOT horny - or even close to - right now. I DO feel like scratching Geo's eyes out if he comes within a 1 meter radius of me. My boobs were huge and sore - and right now they are their usual limp tiny selves.

Parallels, imaginary or otherwise, do not in any way outweigh differences. The mind is a powerful thing, I am afraid. I am also afraid that I will cry bitter tears of disappointment if Aunt Flo knocks on my door in about a week, despite better knowledge. And above all: I am angry with myself for being the way I am right now, especially knowing how it would be too soon to even feel anything YET. Last time it took a bit longer for me to suspect anything might be out of the ordinary, past the first few days of my skipped period.

There are other explanations, of course: my skin breaks out because of the seasonal increased intake of chocolates. I am tired because work is extremely exhausting these days. I am perma-angry with Geo cause for a big part he's acting like a jerk, lately. I was light-headed because I didn't drink enough that day. I had no desire for food at night, because for lunch my grandmother stuffed us with her delicious cooking.


I didn't think that purposeful trying would be this mentally excruciating - and it's only my FIRST cycle of doing this. :(


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