Friday, December 15, 2006

Welcome, Auntie...

Babymaking is funny business. One needs no skills. No knowledge. No special talent. No education. No training. No money. No brains. Everybody can do it - and in fact: everybody does. It is truly the only one thing in life that's equal opportunity, independent of social standing, education, the job you have... you name it.

Some people do it even if they don't want to... or try not to. It's the most natural thing in the world, that's so potent that it sometimes even overrules the efforts made to keep it from happening.

Sometimes people in the worst possible situations do it, and get away with it. Some people do it, and then throw the results in a trash container, or drop it off at the next hospital and then leave, cause they want nothing to do with it. Some people give the result away to other people. Some people kill it on purpose before it has a chance to be born. Some people make more than they can handle. Even some children have done it.

So - it can't be so hard, can it? Sperm meets egg, end of story. Right? And when one, in an effort to "hit the day" has so much sex that egg simply has no other option than to meet sperm at some point, and still starts bleeding on day 28, it is very easy to question the justice in this world. Or rather: one's own functionality. Couldn't hold my first child... can't even grow another one with all the billions and billions of sperms to choose from? Am I picky, much? Am I releasing eggs at all? Do I still work, or did they break me in the hospital?

Of course, success was not to be expected right away. Even if it happened "right away" the first time around. My body is still healing. My mind is still healing. I will not get pregnant again until my body deems it okay again. As my doc said. Still, seeing the blood broke my heart all over again, even though I braced myself for it, and told myself not to expect anything else. Even though I told myself not to look at other women with children and ask myself what's the difference between them and I. Even though I told myself not to get pissed off about that girl that got knocked up by a guy from another country, who already has a baby with another woman, and all that after she already had 2 or 3 abortions done before. Where's the fairness in that?

I guess I should look forward to another month of "trying". I shouldn't fret and frown because the first conscious try was a failure. Others try for years without success. Not just one month.

Good thing I have some of those extreme pain killers left over from last month. I think all those years of pain- and troublefree periods are now coming back and hitting me all at once to make up for all the fun they apparently missed out on the first time around. According to my sister, the nurse, those pain killers are about the strongest on the market. I took one a few hours ago in the morning, and after a brief relief again I am having troubles even sitting up straight. Looking very much forward to my one-and-a-half hour drive to that printing company I have to supervise in a production today until late at night, with my male colleague. Thank you, D&C, for that monthly pleasure.

1 Comments:

Blogger aceswyf said...

Nice post :-) You're right. Making babies is always easiest for the people that aren't trying or don't seem to want children.

6:56 AM  

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