Tuesday, January 23, 2007

I was threatened with divorce...

...should I ever run towards my husband with flailing arms, my thermometer in one hand and my BBT chart in the other, proclaiming excitedly that I just ovulated and therefore needed to be inseminated right now.

Geeez... me??? :)

I ain't that desperate... even though I am now taking my temperature every morning - out of pure interest in the processes of my own body.

I am desperate, however (dramatic change-of-topic abound), about my job situation. Up until recently I managed to kid myself enough to pretend that I could get through this on a day to day basis... and that I would hold out until Geo found a job, or until I would be pregnant and could go on maternity leave. Recently, however, I cannot even entertain such delusions on my daily espresso-high anymore. I cannot muster the enthusiasm to work on our projects anymore... they have never really interested me in the first place, but back then I needed a job desperately, so I went with the flow. But I have felt underpaid and underchallenged and just extremely bored for the longest time now, and least of all I feel like I NEED this job anymore. There are others out there... and so I have re-activated my curriculum vitae online... and left it there.

Yesterday I suddenly got a phone call out of the blue. A digital printing company, which had found me online, and which is interested in a personal interview with me, for they think them and I would be a "good match". Mind you, I had never even applied for this job - they are applying for ME!

Only a day before Auntie#K said to me: "With jobs it is like with love: they'll come to you when you least expect them."

Turns out this company is a 5-women-team. My job would be split between doing graphics and operating the big printing machines - something I don't think I would be too fond of. I am not really technically inclined. But technical knowledge in my field is good to have. They are quite far from where I live, but if they pay me well I think it would be worth the daily commute. That's the whole boiling point: payment. I need more, no matter how I look at it, and my boss is pinching pennies wherever he can. I work with him for a year and a half now, and he still doesn't pay me the minimum amount I agreed to work with him for. He screwed me over, agreeing with me on a ridiculous amount for my probation time - and it wasn't until a year later that he gave me a ridiculous raise that put me to a sum that was (and is) still under my minimum requirements. But what could I do - I needed that job, and the job market was BAD at the time.

Now it's so bad that not only do I not care about our products to the point that I get frequent scoldings from him that enter my head through one ear and leave them unregistered through the other, but I also feel that my creativity has suffered a lot from this. I need new challenges, something that tickles my juices again, so to say. Nothing about my current job ever did. And I don't get paid enough to actively pretend otherwise.

And in the midst of all this I get such a phone call. Needless to say I am excited beyond belief. Of course I feel bad when I hear my boss making plans for this year, on what he'll have me do, and what we'll have to look out for - this matter-of-factness with which he considers us a team. I think he thinks I will stay with his company until I retire, when in reality he is (and always was) just a stepping stone on my way. I wasn't sure when the time would come for me to actually TAKE that step, but I knew it would come, eventually.

It definitely has now, because even if that digital printing gig won't work out, I will actively look for an alternative. Despite my efforts at becoming pregnant. It's too bad for whoever will be hiring me to pay for my maternity leave in (hopefully) a few months time... but I can pay no heed to that. I gotta watch out for myself, my own well-being comes first - and my current job does nothing to ensure any kind of well-being, in any regard. I am not going to "stick it out" here until I can leave, and be stressed out and unhappy in the process. I am sick and tired of becoming desperate on Sunday afternoons at 3PM, because I realize that the weekend is almost over, and Monday morning is creeping in closer and closer.

Wish me luck on this, whoever reads this.


Anonymous kerrianne said...

From one (challenging, creative) job-seeker to another: good! luck, and bon! chance and what not. : )

I'm still waiting for someone to solicit me for a job. Not that I'm really holding my breath, but seriously, that's awesome! Keep us posted.

9:02 PM  

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