Tuesday, January 23, 2007

I was threatened with divorce...

...should I ever run towards my husband with flailing arms, my thermometer in one hand and my BBT chart in the other, proclaiming excitedly that I just ovulated and therefore needed to be inseminated right now.

Geeez... me??? :)

I ain't that desperate... even though I am now taking my temperature every morning - out of pure interest in the processes of my own body.

I am desperate, however (dramatic change-of-topic abound), about my job situation. Up until recently I managed to kid myself enough to pretend that I could get through this on a day to day basis... and that I would hold out until Geo found a job, or until I would be pregnant and could go on maternity leave. Recently, however, I cannot even entertain such delusions on my daily espresso-high anymore. I cannot muster the enthusiasm to work on our projects anymore... they have never really interested me in the first place, but back then I needed a job desperately, so I went with the flow. But I have felt underpaid and underchallenged and just extremely bored for the longest time now, and least of all I feel like I NEED this job anymore. There are others out there... and so I have re-activated my curriculum vitae online... and left it there.

Yesterday I suddenly got a phone call out of the blue. A digital printing company, which had found me online, and which is interested in a personal interview with me, for they think them and I would be a "good match". Mind you, I had never even applied for this job - they are applying for ME!

Only a day before Auntie#K said to me: "With jobs it is like with love: they'll come to you when you least expect them."

Turns out this company is a 5-women-team. My job would be split between doing graphics and operating the big printing machines - something I don't think I would be too fond of. I am not really technically inclined. But technical knowledge in my field is good to have. They are quite far from where I live, but if they pay me well I think it would be worth the daily commute. That's the whole boiling point: payment. I need more, no matter how I look at it, and my boss is pinching pennies wherever he can. I work with him for a year and a half now, and he still doesn't pay me the minimum amount I agreed to work with him for. He screwed me over, agreeing with me on a ridiculous amount for my probation time - and it wasn't until a year later that he gave me a ridiculous raise that put me to a sum that was (and is) still under my minimum requirements. But what could I do - I needed that job, and the job market was BAD at the time.

Now it's so bad that not only do I not care about our products to the point that I get frequent scoldings from him that enter my head through one ear and leave them unregistered through the other, but I also feel that my creativity has suffered a lot from this. I need new challenges, something that tickles my juices again, so to say. Nothing about my current job ever did. And I don't get paid enough to actively pretend otherwise.

And in the midst of all this I get such a phone call. Needless to say I am excited beyond belief. Of course I feel bad when I hear my boss making plans for this year, on what he'll have me do, and what we'll have to look out for - this matter-of-factness with which he considers us a team. I think he thinks I will stay with his company until I retire, when in reality he is (and always was) just a stepping stone on my way. I wasn't sure when the time would come for me to actually TAKE that step, but I knew it would come, eventually.

It definitely has now, because even if that digital printing gig won't work out, I will actively look for an alternative. Despite my efforts at becoming pregnant. It's too bad for whoever will be hiring me to pay for my maternity leave in (hopefully) a few months time... but I can pay no heed to that. I gotta watch out for myself, my own well-being comes first - and my current job does nothing to ensure any kind of well-being, in any regard. I am not going to "stick it out" here until I can leave, and be stressed out and unhappy in the process. I am sick and tired of becoming desperate on Sunday afternoons at 3PM, because I realize that the weekend is almost over, and Monday morning is creeping in closer and closer.

Wish me luck on this, whoever reads this.

1 Comments:

Anonymous kerrianne said...

From one (challenging, creative) job-seeker to another: good! luck, and bon! chance and what not. : )

I'm still waiting for someone to solicit me for a job. Not that I'm really holding my breath, but seriously, that's awesome! Keep us posted.

9:02 PM  

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