Monday, February 05, 2007

Hauntings of the Past long gone...

When somebody of your past, somebody who has deceived you and lied to you and messed up the lives of people close to you with his lies, somebody who has used you, played on your belief in the good of people, played on your sympathy for the terminally ill, and has left people close to you picking up the pieces of life as they had known it before this somebody's appearance even long after he was gone... when you find somebody like that again on the internet, when you hoped thought he was dead, very much alive, along with an option to leave this somebody a message, what do you do?

Do you seek closure, do you seek some weak form of revenge even if it is only verbally, do you seek explanations, justification, an apology... or do you just let it go? Do you pass the link on to those close to you whose lives were changed drastically to the negative because of this person, to give them the opportunity to come to their own closure, or do you just let it go?

Do you just move on, after four years worth of water under the bridge? Do you let it be, and let the people in his life make their own experiences with this person, without warning? But what good would a warning be... we have gotten our own share of these, and didn't ever pay any heed to them, so deeply were we entangled in his web of lies and false reassurances and great acting.

A person I assumed dead based on his own lies shows back up on the WWW safe and sound, unknowingly presenting me with an opportunity to say something to him.

What do you say after four years? After your faith and trust in people has irrevocably been destroyed and your ability of making new friends has greatly suffered because of it, after even white lies have become your number one reason to kick people out of your life again faster than they could blink, after every statement of every loved person undergoes close examination and inspection for any hint of the slightest untruth? After continuing nightmares of deception and loss and betrayal that spread their panic-like anxienty into my every day life ever since?

What kind of message will do the situation justice? A well-blended mix of bile, hatred and well wishes for the future? At least that's what it turned out to be... and before I hit the send-button, I decided to put in my current e-mail address for good measure. Hoping for... I don't know... maybe a reply... maybe some sort of contact, an opportunity to face him with everything his sudden departure has caused? Closure?

What would you have done? Should I just have let it go and leave the rotten bones of the past in the closet...?


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