Friday, February 02, 2007


The job interview? Well, I dunno. Either I was very politely told to bugger off, or I really will receive that phone call that I was promised, "once the position is actually vacant".

Turned out that out of the two positions offered, the one for prepress technician with graphic knowledge was more immediate and imminent than the one for graphic designer with prepress knowledge. However, the boss was nice, knowledgeable, and looked like someone I would like to work for simply for all her knowlegde in advertising and marketing, that I could learn a lot from. She also said with a smile that she thinks the "chemistry" between her and I was right, gave me her card with her cell phone number, and told me she will call me in March/April, once the graphic design position is available.

Oh well. At least that'll give me enough time to also apply elsewhere, and since the major production at work has been finished by now as well things slowed down a bit again so I have some opportunities to breathe at work again. Or to do other things. Like blogging, or some photomanipulation:

Click here for a complete reference of copyrights and sources.

Anyway. BBT charting? I am all confused about this. According to my research, my temperature should be quite even before ovulation, then drop noticeably right before ovulation, then continue on quite evenly again a bit higher than it was before ovulation. So far, so good. Mine? All over the place, from day one. And I don't think I am doing this wrong - unless there is anything one can do wrong with sticking a digital thermometer into one's mouth right after the alarm goes off?

Today is day 14 and, coincidentally enough, yesterday morning I observed a quite dramatic temperature drop of several tenths of a degree, after my curve has been jumping up and down quite irregularly up until yesterday. I got excited and proceeded with fertilization attempts quite excessively - expecting the telltale dramatic rise today, indicating that I had - indeed - ovulated.

And? ...nothing. No major rise, anyway. I thought that temperature charting would be a bit more exciting, like the final door to understanding and reading my own body, but it's actually nothing short of frustrating and annoying, and leaving me just as clueless about my ovulation as I was before.

And to add to my frustration, I suffered a crying spell while watching Desperate Housewives' Gabrielle letting go of that red balloon to symbolize the life lost to her. I felt quite ridiculous as I found myself sobbing on the couch, triggered by a stupid scene on a stupid TV show. I really thought I was over it for good, that I left this behind and am looking positively into the future... but apparently I fooled myself. It's been 4 months, and a scene on TV manages to turn on the faucets again. I haven't cried over this for a very long time, that's why it was so surprising that seeing this has hit me so hard.

I wonder if it'll actually ever go away for good. :(


Anonymous kerrianne said...

4 months is not so long. Don't be too hard on yourself. I found after my loss that healing takes much longer than I ever thought it would, and that I cared much more than I thought I did. Thinking of you, and wishing you luck on the job! too. I am in the same boat. The interviewing, and waiting, I mean. Hang in there.

9:40 PM  

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